CHAPTER FIVE

 After a long night of wrestling with my warm pillows and sheets, I woke up late the following morning, rushing to catch our departing flight from Istanbul to Antalya. The Karaman family had sent us a special invitation to join in the fun of a long weekend. With our destination only an hour away, we got there by noon, but the trip was not yet over. Selim’s family lived on the island across town, and the fastest way to get there was to take the ferry. From the airport, we drove straight to the loading dock, where he was waiting to pick us up. 

The weather was beautiful, with sunny skies and a mild spring breeze wafting through the ocean. The smell of the open sea was a healing remedy to every soul, soon reminding me of my sinking past.

Long ago, I cruised that very path of blue waves with Kenan on our first date, but the sun had already fallen behind its waters, allowing us a seclusion of romance. He was a romantic at heart, surprising me with dozen red roses and a fishing trip across Bebek Bay. The surrounding atmosphere was on the cold side, but the heat of our charisma brought a warmer breath upon us. Together, we watched the stars disappear behind the shadows of darkness while tucked beneath a single blanket we shared. The evening was a magical one to remember, even when I wished to forget it ever happened.

“Welcome to Antalya.” Selim smiled, waking me up from an aged flashback while taking control of the giant cruiser. I smiled back in silence, as I sat across from him watching the waves cuddle behind us. My mother sat beside me. Meanwhile, Uncle Hakan was busy on the other side of the boat, instructing his men of security. God only knew what he was up to, and perhaps my mother, too.

“Bahar? Are you okay, darling?”

“Yes, Mother. I’m fine.”

“You’re not still upset for what happened last night, are you?” she immediately wondered, reaching out to hold my hand. We’ve told each other everything in the past, but this time around, I wasn’t sure of which thoughts to share, let alone feelings. Somehow, this insecurity of mine pulled our mother-and-daughter connection a bit apart.

“No, I’m not upset.” Even though I was, I didn’t want her to worry while I was still unsettled by the sudden twist of destiny. I was forced to put on a happy face and act normal in Selim’s presence. He had no idea that Kenan and I knew each other from before, let alone that he was the man in my past who left my heart broken. What Kenan and I had together was forever over. There was no going back. Not for me, anyway. Meanwhile, no romantic strings tied Selim and me together either. I considered him a close friend. I met him during my emotional recovery a year ago, and his understanding brought us to trust each other enough to let my guard down while in his presence.

“Everything will be okay, Bahar. Not to worry.”

“I know, Mother.” I took a deep breath, then wandered off the boat to liberate my burden of burned-out love upon the wild sea, hoping to find in my heart a true resurrection for once. I was in need of an ultimate change in my life, whatever that was to be, and so I was not willing to give up on my dreams. Not yet.

After a relaxing tour around the turquoise island, we arrived to the Karamans’ home of high accommodation and five-star services. Their onshore villa was a small fraction of luxurious properties they owned. Adnan Karaman was a proud business owner of Karaman Ferry & Transportation, a highly demanded service of travel around the island that kept the economy on the rise for endless years. It was my first time meeting Selim’s parents, a very nice couple and a successful business partners. Though both my uncle and mother had met with the family prior to our visit, they rarely visited Istanbul. Antalya was their first and forever home.

A friendly gathering of cold refreshments and tasty sweets introduced us for a brief moment before Selim offered to walk me down the pearly shore of their private site. We hadn’t had a moment to ourselves to catch up since the last time we were together in Paris.

“Bahar?”

“Yes?”

“I am so glad to see you again.”

“Me too.”

“It’s been so long.”

“Yes. I know. The weather is so beautiful out here.” I took in a deep breath, then released it back out for an intense relaxation. My feet were in direct contact with the finely ground sand, which brought me a closer feeling of Mother Nature.

“Bahar….There’s something that I’ve been meaning to ask you, but the time was never right.”

“Okay…what is it?” I wondered at once about his sudden riddle when he stopped walking.

“I like you a lot, Bahar. From the first day I met you, I was mesmerized by your intelligence and charming personality.” He smiled with a spark of hope in his eyes, which caught me off-guard. His voice was passionate.

“Thank you.” I didn’t know what else to say in respect of his compliment, yet a tiny voice in my head was warning me about something major yet to come. There was a to-be-continued sentence lurking in his mind.

“It’s no secret that, over time, my admiration for you has grown into stronger feelings,” he courageously announced, making me feel somewhat uncomfortable. No lie, I was very flattered but surprised to hear him say that. Though a part me wished for a new beginning all along, I wasn’t sure of what I really wanted, either. Rather, it was happening way too soon. First, coming back to Istanbul and meeting Kenan again without prior calculation, and now Selim’s love confession? I wasn’t ready for that much change just yet.

“Look, Selim…”

“Before you say anything else, Bahar, I just want you to know that I will always respect your feelings before my own. It’s enough for me to know that you are here in Istanbul, and that you’re here to stay.”

“I am happy to be back, too. Though I must be honest with you, Selim, like I always have. You’ve seen me on my darkest of days. You know how important it is for me to trust the person to whom I would surrender my life. I once had that serenity, and it was shattered into a million pieces. In an instant, everything was ruined, all the love and trust was broken beyond repair.” It was hard for me to spell out my inner pain, yet all I wanted was to be honest with myself and with him, after he reached out to me. 

“All I need right now is some time, Selim. Enough time for me to get to understand my feelings all over again. Is that too much for me to ask for?”

“No. It’s fair enough. I am willing to wait for you forever, Bahar, because you are worth every minute,” he said with confidence. Perhaps he sensed a possibility of a new chance at love for us, even though I never promised him anything. He then reached to hold my hand as we continued our walk together.

A few hours into the day, both families gathered for an early supper overlooking the gorgeous landscape. Everyone was having a good time sharing jokes and childhood memories of Selim. Although he failed to mention that he was in fact a brat as a child, stories of his wild ventures reminded me of my own adventurous side, which was still very much alive. In the middle of toasting to our happy get-together, an unexpected guest of the family appeared to join us.

Her name was Nuran Ozturk. A very attractive brunette who recently moved back from Ankara, she worked as an interior designer. Both Selim and she graduated from the University of Antalya the same year, choosing separately their major in architecture. I was very delighted to meet Nuran and share mutual ideas together, as I was about to start the music institute of my dreams.

For countless years, playing the piano was my undying passion and so my initial return was not just about being with family, I decided to proceed with my harmonic vision as a career. Soon, our conversation turned into a detailed plan for us to work together. Nuran was relocating to Istanbul in the coming week, which would make our communication process a lot easier. Having found myself a new friend and business partner, I was eager to start my project. I planned for the institute to open its doors toward mid-summer, which left me with a window of four months.

In the middle of our gathering, an unpleasant distraction took place when Uncle Hakan’s hand shivered without control, dropping his glass of wine to shatter all over the place. Everyone rushed to his side, including his men in black. His face turned ghostly white, and his blood pressure dropped to below average. For a few minutes, he remained unresponsive, and then he suddenly opened up his eyes. His voice was weak while trying to say something, but he could barely breathe.

Quickly, we escorted him to the guest suite, where he slowly regained his strength. The Karamns’ family physician was in the room with him, performing a routine exam while we waited outside. As a first impression, Uncle Hakan was a strong man with no known health complications or red flags. He was always so active and careful with his diet, and so his sudden illness worried us all.

Just then, after the frightening split-second episode, the physician came walking out to deliver us the much anticipated news of his recovery. He was healthy and well. Although his blood pressure was a bit lower than normal, it might have been because of the change of weather. With a natural prescription of fruit juice to boost up his sugar level, along with a special order to follow up with his regular physician once we got back to Istanbul, the doctor left. Meanwhile, my uncle was sleeping in for the rest of the day. I was soon relieved that no serious illness was detected.

During the late afternoon hours, Selim and I sat outdoor enjoying the mild evening of Antalya, in the presence of his other guest, Nuran, who was happily keeping us company. Browsing the many catalogues of design creations she and Selim worked on together gave me many ideas for my new project. Suddenly, Kenan showed up to stir the pot of surprises.

Upon Kenan’s unpredicted arrival, Selim escorted him to see my uncle. I was furious with the secrecy of their work, and very much dying to learn what was happening behind closed doors. Once his private meeting ended, he joined us outside. Meanwhile, Nuran’s flirty attitude switched on without reservation. She was instantly hooked to Kenan’s side and had absolutely no problem expressing so, which left me somewhat annoyed. Maybe it was more like jealousy. Either way, I couldn’t tell.

Though she was a seductive character to begin with, I didn’t think that she was Kenan’s type, yet for a reason I failed to wrap my head around, he seemed as interested in her as she was in him. Even Selim seemed to have noticed the way they engaged in a conversation while around us. Quickly, I was ticked off by Kenan’s little hard-to-get when I allowed myself back into his life to stop his act of derision.

The last ferry of the night had already sailed, which meant that Kenan was among the guests staying at the Karamans’. It was a full house, indeed. Sometime before midnight, we all departed in separate ways to repose our tired bodies, when I changed my route to lurking around Kenan’s bedroom instead. Gently, I knocked on the door once or twice, but no one answered. I turned open the door knob to find the room in complete darkness. Suddenly, the light switch turned on from another corner as he caught me sneaking my way inside.

“Bahar? What are you doing here?”

“I am here to ask you that very question! What business do you have in Antalya, and here in particular?” I questioned with attitude, annoyed with his presence.

“I’m here because your uncle asked me to come.” He turned his back to me to close his terrace door, which was still open.

“That much I know, but why is that? What are you two up to?” Unanswered questions were lurking on my mind ever since my return. Too much secrecy was going on behind my back, and I hated not knowing.

“Please, Bahar. Don’t ask me why or how. I am just doing my job. Let’s just call it a night, shall we?” He smiled, walking closer to me to kick me out, leaving a tiny space between us. For a split-second, I lost the urge to escape the fiery charisma of ours that was, surprisingly, still there, when Nuran’s voice awakened my dream of lost love. She, too, appeared at Kenan’s doorstep in the middle of the night. Although my presence in his room was somewhat critical, considering our concealed history, I rushed to hide inside the bathroom, fearful of her finding me there. I leaned my body against the door to listen in on their conversation.

“I am sorry to bother you at this hour, Kenan, but I assumed that you might still be awake.”

“No problem. I was about to go to sleep now. What’s going on?”

“Nothing important. I found these sunglasses outside. I thought they might be yours.”

“Yes. They sure are. Thank you for noticing.”

“Of course.” Her voice was too feminine. I peeked through the bathroom keyhole to spy around. She was standing by the door, playing her hair between her fingers, trying point-blank to seduce him. Ugh! She had some nerve, I thought, rolling my eyes away. What bothered me the most, though, was Kenan’s careless reaction, allowing her to play such seductive games. How naïve of him.

“Will you be around tomorrow, too?” she wondered, letting her gaze roam around the room while biting her lower lip.

“Most likely yes,” He replied, before his head shifted toward the bathroom door. He seemed to remember that I was still in there, listening to his every word.

“Great. I’ll see you tomorrow, then. Good night.” She smiled with flirtation.

“Goodnight.” He walked her out, closing the door shut behind her. A couple of seconds later, I stormed back in.

“Now I know why you’re still here.” I smiled with sarcasm, ready to walk away. I was so mad with myself for still secretly thinking of him while he could care less.

“Nuran has absolutely nothing to do with my stay in Antalya. Though, may I ask why that seems to bother you so much?” He found the moment so amusing with a wild nerve to ask such question.

“You think that it bothers me? I don’t think so, detective.” I giggled, looking back at him. 

“As long as you stay out of my way, nothing will bother me ever again. Be sure of that. Understood?” I explained in a serious tone before leaving. I couldn’t care less about his relationship status, or Nuran’s, for that matter. All I wanted was for him to keep his distance away from my own relationship. Yet I didn’t quite understand why I was overreacting, either, so I decided to sleep on it altogether.

The following morning, everybody was up early, including my uncle. He was feeling a lot better already, as he had regained his healthy color and physical ability. Mr. and Mrs. Karaman’s generosity showered us with a fancy feast over the course of breakfast. Meanwhile, Kenan was nowhere to be found. Perhaps he was lurking behind the scenes as usual, following my uncle’s private mission… whatever that was supposed to be.

After seeing Nuran’s interest in Kenan, I tried my best to act normal and ignore what I had seen. I did not want to ruin a possibility of friendship between us just because of him. Just then, Selim suggested we all go horseback riding, our refreshing workout of the day. Near the Karaman home was a wooded area especially reserved for horseback riding and such similar activities. As we took off following Selim’s lead, 

Nuran and Kenan remained in close contact, joking away and laughing out loud together. They were having a better time than I was. Maybe I was too busy observing their quickly growing chemistry, rather my rising jealousy. Or possibly both.

A quick look at the grassy field ahead brought another memory flooding into my mind: the day Kenan and I went horseback riding. The way we cuddled in the stable covered up in hay. I fell down and hurt my ankle. He carried me up and to the car, where he cared for me with so much passion. Though he always seemed to be there when I needed him the most, yet he wasn’t. 

Suddenly, I was fed up with that past of mine, which did not seem to leave me alone. I sped my way ahead of the running crew, needing a moment to myself. Soon I disappeared into the unknown path of my surrounding, when I spotted the red-colored stable and stopped to rest. Selim was catching up with me.

“Bahar! What happened? You took off in such a hurry. Are you okay?” Selim shouted, roaming around me in circles while the others were still far.

“Yes. I am fine. I just wanted to be alone with you.” I jumped down from my white horse, landing on the ground to catch my breath.

“I like the sound of that,” he joked. “What’s on your mind?” he wondered, with a smile, joining me to walk the horses back to the stable.

“Last night, I thought about what you said, and I made a decision.”

“And?”

“I want to be with you, Selim, and get to know you better. I am ready to be the woman of your dreams, if you still are.”

“Really?” He smiled. “I mean, are you sure? What changed?”

“I changed…If anything, life is a choice, and I choose to be happy with you. There’s no point in wasting time. Together, we can build a solid trust that no past experience shall demolish.”

“Are you sure? I don’t want you to feel rushed into this relationship, Bahar. Please. I am willing to wait for as long as it takes.”

“No, I am not rushed at all. I know you enough to trust you with my heart. Please don’t ever give me a reason to doubt that trust.”

“Never. I promise.” He leaned over to plant a first kiss on my lips, which felt new and refreshed. From the corner of my eye, I glimpsed Kenan’s shadow as he watched over us, yet for the first time I could care less. Just then, Selim’s hand locked in with mine as we walked back together.

Shortly after our ride, we gathered to share the last hours of family time we had left in Antalya, when Selim and I dropped the bomb of our new relationship among the crowd. All were very surprised yet they appeared happy, congratulating us at once. Both Nuran and Kenan were present in time to celebrate the big news with us. 

During the celebration, Nuran’s festive side came to life to surprise me. Her eyes were glowing with an unusual spark, and her smile was out of reach. She was beyond happy for Selim, while Kenan’s reaction was nothing new, calm and cold as he wished us both well.

At times, moving on can be scary, and any change is a challenge, with so many expectations and no predictions. But when the revision is a must, we shall adapt. Agreeing to walk the path of a new relationship with Selim was the hardest step in not looking back into the past, but it was the most important move of all. To me, it was more of a promise of happiness and new adventures, not to mention memories for us to create together. Our commitment was set in motion, for us to walk a mutual road of friendship, trust and faith while heading for the happy ending that we both planned ahead.