CHAPTER EIGHT

Learning of Hakan’s past prison time changed my perspective on a lot of things. Though I was not ready to expose my knowledge just yet, I confronted my father with the freshly discovered truth. He obviously couldn’t deny it. He was Hakan’s lawyer all along, not to mention his close friend from ages ago. In his defense, his client privilege to privacy was the reason for his secrecy, and under no circumstances was he allowed to share such information with the public. Not even his own son, yet in the line of duty I understood the strict policy enough not to take it personally.

Hakan’s trial was a closed hearing due to the family’s privileged reputation and Berkay’s sudden death. A former employee of Mr. Yilmaz’s was the unfortunate victim. The murder weapon was found in Hakan’s home, the existence of which he failed to explain while pleading innocent. There was also an eyewitness whose testimony was the key evidence for his conviction.

Meanwhile, Fikret’s case took a different turn. Everyone in Istanbul knew of his arrest and trial, which made no sense to me at all, as if the public no longer cared to protect the family’s wealthy name as they had at the time of Hakan’s arrest. With no further information to go on, I had to accept the situation the way it appeared.

Soon after my private conversation with my father, it was time for me to share my secret pain with my beloved mother. Finally, the long years of endless searching came to an end the moment I found Elif. Although my discovery took a more unlikely route than expected, I was obligated to reveal the sore truth. In order to keep my mother’s intense emotions under control, I had to break up the news to her in pieces. Her heart was too weak to comprehend it all at once, and as soon as she found out, she broken down in tears.

Her reasonable wish to go see her grown daughter after years of separation could not have waited another second when I drove her and my father to meet Elif. The moment of reunion was miraculous, but at the same time it was too moving to watch. Elif thought that she was meeting my mother, unaware that they, too, were related, let alone that she was her mother also. 

Day after day, they got used to spending time together, and slowly their genetic bond started to reconnect. Elif’s therapist suggested to take things easy and not to rush ourselves, and so we all proceeded with caution to keep things in that order until she was ready to know the truth.

Meanwhile, Nuran and I grew closer, and I saw her in a different light, revealing a broken heart behind her energetic character. Unlike I thought, she had no romantic interest in me whatsoever, which gave me a sense of relief. For the longest time, she was trying to get past a previous relationship that had fallen off the wagon, leaving her lonely as ever. Apparently the man of her dreams was not a man of promise or responsibility, abandoning her in the middle of their relationship. She trusted me enough to confide in me while her dilemma sort of reminded me of my own, as I felt the pointing hand of guilt directed my way.

After all, I had been there, and I had done that, too. Listening to her cry her pain of frustration caused me to hate myself even more for what I did to Bahar. I was already living with regret every single day of my life, yet I had no courage to express my mystery pain back to Nuran, fearful of her judgment.

Both Nuran and I were broken people suffering the agony of love, and finding each other to lean on was the start of our healing process. Neither one of us wanted to give that up. With an invitation to Selim’s surprise party in hand, I wrapped up my working day in preparation for the upcoming evening. Just as I was ready to leave, Emir walked in with a can of worms to spoil my life. New and dangerous information resurfaced, leaving me absolutely speechless. Not wanting to discuss the subject any further, I grabbed the freshly printed document to take with me, then took off.

Around seven-thirty, I picked up Nuran and drove straight to the Yilmaz Hotel in time for the guests’ arrival. Bahar’s beauty was overwhelming, yet prohibited to any soul. She was so close to me in the distance, and at the same time so out of reach. I was not allowed to compliment her breathtaking secrets, as I continued to admire her fragrant spirit from far.

Selim was a lucky man indeed to have won her heart. He owed her a real commitment of trust and love, and throughout their weeks of dating I’d seen the love he carried for her, and it was genuine. Though a part of me was simply in pain watching her slip away from under my wings, I was happy to see her accomplish what I failed to give her.

After the opening dance, I took off looking for Hakan to share with him my latest discovery, which he was very much aware of yet failed to mention. I knew from the beginning that there was something more to Hakan than what appeared. My timing could not have been any better. I walked in to find Mrs. Yilmaz and him engaged in a cozy moment, holding hands. Though the moment was a bit awkward for all of us, it explained a whole lot of missing information.

Inside the envelope of investigation was a certificate of Hakan’s marriage to Leila. They were married on May 1, 1993, and had never been divorced, which meant that her marriage to Fikret was nothing but an act of sham. For years, they fooled everyone, with no exception whatsoever. Meanwhile, Bahar’s birth certificate stated that Fikret was her birth father, with more question marks to follow.

Confronted with such solid evidence, neither spouse denied the truth, yet what I heard next was nothing I anticipated. Berkay’s two sons, Hakan and Fikret, were never on good terms. That alone explained the distance within the family itself. Throughout their childhood, Fikret’s ambitions were to take advantage of his father’s power and money, not with good intention, of course. Meanwhile, Hakan was the younger and more responsible. Although Fikret was the oldest, his brother was the family’s favorite, which drove Fikret into the wrong path of jealousy and revenge.

After Berkay’s assassination, his written wish was revealed, leaving all his wealth and power in Hakan’s hands. Having nothing more to lose, Fikret forced his way into Leila’s life, taking her against her will. She and Hakan had been married for only a year; meanwhile, he was taken into custody for a crime which he did not commit. All at once, their lives were turned upside-down, and nothing had been the same ever since.

The unexpected truth blew my mind away. I was not prepared for such a bomb of information, and then Bahar showed up to end our gathering for good. Her timing was not the best, but a quick distraction was very much needed for all of us, especially me. All the history and secrets were thrown in the same mixture, making the situation even more complicated.

Around midnight, all guests gathered up to wish Selim a happy birthday. As I watched Bahar and him cut the cake together, I envied his position by her side. Although they made a lovely couple, my heart was still longing for her. It never stopped.

“Happy Birthday!” shouted the crowd. Selim was standing hand in hand with his girlfriend greeting everyone, when a sensitive and rather more personal inquiry appeared on his mind. Not hesitant to speak his thoughts out in the open, he asked for Bahar’s hand in marriage, leaving everyone speechless. Happy murmurs and some surprising ones arose around me as I impatiently waited for her answer.

“Yes, Kenan. I will marry you,” she replied inside my head, and my heart skipped a beat. I looked back to find her in Selim’s arms, living the dream that I stole away from both of us. I then realized that I had lost her forever. I looked over to Nuran. She was toasting with champagne, laughing her heart out. She was drunk by the sound of celebration.

Shortly after the evening surprise, I congratulated the happy couple, leaving the party with Nuran. This time, I could not refuse her invitation of seclusion, as I escorted her upstairs for a private gathering of our own. I was not ready to go home alone, in need of her company more than ever. 

Together, we drank away our night, overlooking the starry skies. A mild wind wafted by while we were seated on her small terrace. Wrapped up in a sheer blanket, Nuran’s inner thoughts revealed her troubled soul without a warning. I knew she was hurting from her own past, yet I didn’t imagine it was to that extent.

“He loved me…he loved me not…he loved me… he loved me not,” she laughed, with tears running down her face. I had no clue who she was talking about. She was clearly under the influence of happy and drunk, swinging her glass of champagne left and right.

“Nuran? Are you okay?”

“Yes. Fine. I’m fine, Kenan. What happened to you? Have you not seen a drunk woman before?” She laughed again, half sober, half wasted. “No… he didn’t love me. He couldn’t have.” Her smile disappeared.

“Who?”

“Him…you know, my Prince Charming.” She laughed again, taking charge of the champagne bottle all to herself.

“Nuran? I think you’ve had enough champagne for one night.” I reached to take back the bottle, and she pulled away.

“Don’t! It’s mine,” she said with angry eyes, taking another sip. “He said he loved her more than he thought he would. He loved her more, but why? Why her? Why not me?”

Suddenly, it occurred to me that perhaps she was referring to Selim. At first, I shook my head in denial, but then the more she continued to mumble, the more I was convinced. “He thought the time was not right. He said he’d come back, but he didn’t…” More tears escaped her eyes, and now she had the hiccups interrupting her confession. “He said he loved me, but he didn’t.” She dropped the glass bottle to the floor before passing out.

Could she have possibly fallen in love with Selim before? No signs of such a relationship were visible to me. Or was she confusing him with someone else? One thing for sure, the proposal must have hit a damaged nerve of hers, causing her to hallucinate. 

No answer was clear enough, while she was passed out on the couch unaware of the passing time. I then picked her up and moved her back inside and tucked her under the blanket, before I left the apartment to find comfort someplace else. I was lost in my own thoughts and everlasting speculations. At that point, every possibility was worth looking into.

No secret is bound to stay hidden forever, nor buried beneath a grave of history, some are tucked more deeply than others with a floating line on the edge of a single slip. One lapse is all that it takes to unleash a treasure full of dark riddles, when much more cloudy pieces come together to connect missing puzzle pieces into a whole.

Each revelation is loaded with facts of disappointment and strange acts or even doubts, which are not put to rest for a reason we fail to comprehend. Perhaps it is a misgiving of reality, calling back for a clear perspective or to question the many sides of that very same secret.